Thoughts of Guilt: Chapter 43: Home is Where the Viking Is

Thoughts of Guilt

Chapter 43

Home is Where the Viking Is

          For a few minutes, the crowd had carried me around cheering; then as my father came over, they put me down and quieted down.

          After a moment or two passed, my father said, “Thank you.”

          I replied, “You’re welcome.”

          Suddenly a person had rushed in The Great Hall and started pushing their way through the crowd.  It is my mother.  She ran over and grabbed both me and my father.  Dagmar had just then entered The Hall herself and came over.

          “Svana?!  What are you doing out of bed?” my father demanded, but after embracing her.

           “I just could not bear to not know what they were going to do to you,” mother replied.  “I had already been on my way to The Great Hall when several dragons came flying up from the south.  And when they all split off for the one dragon in the rear, right away I knew who it was.  I then sprinted all the way here.”

          My father then reminded, “But you’re still not back to full strength.”

          Dagmar interjected, “Oh she has been fine since the day after she was attacked.  Svana was just emotionally week.  With you on trial, the outlook of the trial not good, and all her children gone and who might not be coming back…. I don’t think anyone would get up from their bed.”

          My parents hugged and kissed one more time before looking at me; my father then stated, “I know I haven’t been around much for you, Svana, Elsa, and Asvord.  I should have come back on my own accord, instead of being forced to reveal I was still alive…-”

          I added while he was shaking his head, “You thought you were doing the right thing by staying away to protect us.  No one - I would not - ever fault you for doing what you thought was the right thing to do.  We all have tough, difficult choices to make.  After we make them, sometimes we wish we could go back and make a better one.”

          “I know that,” he said sighing and continuing.  “And you’re right.  I did do what I thought best for my family, for Dagmar, and even for my home of Berk.  But now thanks to you, I no longer have to worry about every little thing which comes along.  From now on we will do things together… as a family.”

          He paused, kneeled in front of me, put both hands on my shoulders, and said, “I am proud of you.”

          I immediately hugged him saying, “I love you, dad!”

          The years my father had been gone now only feel like a few fleeting moments had passed by.

          “I never gave up on you dad.  I never gave up hope that I would figure out what happened to you and bring comfort to our family.  I never gave up hope I would meet you one day, in this life or the next… to be able to say to you,” I finished.  “I love you.”

          My father and I squeezed even tighter.

          After we were done, I looked up to see my mother crying; my father then looked back at her and I rhetorically quipped while smiling, “Mom!  Why are you crying?”

          My father then got in the act and said, “Yeah, Svana.  Jarl and I are having a moment and all you do is start crying.”

          The crowd chuckled.

          “Oh you…,” she replied… and gave him a left cross to his shoulder.    “Ow,” my father declared.  “Is this all you Berkian women know what to do?”

          Mother inserted, “You’re crying too.”

          “Yes,” he answered… trying to hide a smile.  “But some ‘dust’ got in my eyes.”

          “Oh sure,” mother said smiling.

          This got everyone laughing and nearly got my dad a jab in the side.  He flinched and grabbed her jabbing right hand with his right hand... and then they smiled at each other and gazed into each other’s eyes.

          I… shook my head and blatantly rolled my eyes.  My parents could not help but laugh at me.

          “Well,” I added as I heard a group of footsteps rush in from outside.  “I don’t deserve all the credit.  These guys deserve some it too.”

          Asvord “bowed” in my presence and said, “Thank for you most gracious offer… not hogging all the credit for yourself.”  She finished with a wink.

          When all of my friends came over along with my sisters and the Academy Riders, Stoick came over.  My mother hugged and kissed her daughters when she saw them; my father did the same.  Some of my friends’ families were in attendance, and so they greeted each other.

          Stoick stated, “I’m sure you all have a wonderful and adventurous tale you can now tell to us.  I’m glad you were able to make it back in time.  I stalled for as long as I could, but Mildew made it difficult.”

          “Stoick?” my father asked.  “Would you have actually carried out whatever sentence would have been handed down?”

          Stoick sighed deeply, “You know… as a chief I have a duty to perform…. But as a viking… I probably would not have served it.  There is a fine line between duty, responsibility, and loyalty.  With everything on your record as a viking of Berk, a sentence would have been handed down, but nowhere near as extreme as what would have been the case,” Stoick paused, shook his head, and then clasped his hands, “Enough talk about that.  You solved the mystery Jarl and saved your father; job, well done.”

          Stoick and I then shook hands.

          “Thank you, Chief Stoick,” I said, as I had to let my right hand go limp after the hand shake.

          I tried not to let the expression on my face clue anybody into that I was feeling any pain, but I think my limp hand said it all.

          “You’re a free man now,” Stoick added, patting my father’s back.

          As Stoick started to take Vlarrin away, Vlarrin motioned if he could have a word with my father.  Stoick granted his request.

          “Sigvald?” Vlarrin spoke.

          “Yes, Vlarrin?” father acknowledged.

          “I want you to know now that I am sorry for all my actions against you and your family,” Vlarrin declared.  “I’m ready to pay for my actions.”

          “Then you are a viking, Vlarrin,” said my father.  “You are a viking of Berk.”

          As Vlarrin walked off, he finished with, “I hope I can earn that title back.”

          When they walked off, Gobber came over.  I whispered to him that he should go get Hawk and Koll.  Hiccup was right there and said that they were tied up right outside The Great Hall doors.   Hyrith added that the rest of Truvor’s men would be on The Golden Isles being guarded by Moonstone.  Gobber replied that he make mention of this to Stoick and he would probably send a search party out for them as soon as first light came; Hyrith offered to be their guide to The Golden Isles.  Gobber said he would keep it in mind and tell Stoick.

          Hiccup then addressed the crowd as well as me and my friends and family, “Everyone, it is starting to get late, so why don’t we wrap things up and head home for the night, get a good night’s rest to be ready for the day ahead.”

          Everyone agreed.

          Sigvald thanked my friends as well as the Academy Riders again for their help with me and my sisters.  We all said, “Goodnight,” to each other and all headed home with their respective families.

          Nothing was really said on the way home, with my family, Dagmar included.  It felt nice just to hear the quietness of the night and be in the presence of my family and dragons.

          We came to our house, though stopped at the stable to bed our dragons down for the night.  Fredrick, Spiker, and Meatballs were all very glad to see Fintan; so glad that they nearly tore the place apart.  Asvord fed Spiker her chicken, Elsa gave some fresh cooked meatballs which Dagmar had cooked for Elsa’s dragon Meatballs as well as some rocks Dagmar had collected while we were gone, and I gave some fresh caught salmon that Dagmar had also caught.

          Walking back over to the house, we greeted by Smoky.  We entered and bid each other, “Goodnight.”

          Before parting our ways, we had a family hug.  Dagmar at first did not join in, but I reached through the hug and grabbed her hand to pull her into the hug.

          “I’m so glad you three are all right,” mother addressed me and my sisters.  “It is probably a long story, but let me ask the motherly question:  Were you ever in any danger?”

          My eyes got a little big and glanced at Asvord on my left and Elsa on my right, and then said, “We’re here aren’t we?”

          “You hesitated,” replied father.

          “That.  I.  Did,” I nodded.

          Mother then stated, “Well you can all tell us about it tomorrow.”

          Now we did part ways.  Father and mother went into their old room, Dagmar entered the guest room, and Asvord, Elsa, and I walked upstairs.

          Elsa mentioned on our way up the stairs, “I think we should down play the life threatening part, don’t ya think?”

          Asvord agreed, “Yeah.”

          “Oh man,” I said as I plopped on my bed.  “Ow.”

          “You always do that, Jarl,” Asvord shook her head.

          “I know right,” I said.

          Elsa then stated, “I can’t wait to finally get a good night’s sleep in my own bed.  It has been too long.”

          “I second that,” Asvord declared.

          I motioned Smoky to light the overhead lamp in the room so we could see.  Elsa got her bed clothes and went in the wash room to clean up and get ready for bed.  Once she was done, Asvord followed and then I did the same as soon as Asvord was done.

          Elsa got into her bed and fell almost immediately asleep.  Asvord stood on a chair to put out the light overhead.  She was a little longer to fall asleep.  I, on the other hand, could not fall asleep.

          Moments turned into seconds.  Seconds turned into minutes.  Minutes turned into hours.

          “I can’t stand this,” I thought.  “It is too quiet.”

          Which is interesting because I like quiet, though I do want a little bit of noise so I do not hear the quietness, if you get what I mean; for once on Berk, it is quiet.

          I am wide awake.  So, I decided to go down stairs.  I checked on Dagmar.  She is fast asleep.  Looking in on my parents, they were too.  As I turned to exit the room, I stepped on a board which squeaked.

          “Who’s there?” sleepily asked my mother.

          I whispered back, “It is just me, Jarl.”

          “Oh,” she said.  “Come here, please.”

          I turned back around and went to the right side of the bed and bent down, leaning on the side, and looked at my mother.

          “Can’t sleep?” she questioned in a hushed tone.

          “No,” I replied, in the same hushed tone.

          “Is anything bothering you?  Is anything on your mind?” she inquired.

          “I think that is the problem,” I said.  “Nothing is on my mind.  Everything is fine.  For the first time… in a very long time… Everything is fine.”

          Mother smiled and reached her right hand out from under the blanket and rubbed my cheek, “I know what you mean.  Even though I’m emotionally fine now, physically I’m still not back to normal.  So if I was not so exhausted from my run I did earlier, I would be up too.  Why don’t you go check on your dragon?  I can imagine that he has been going non-stop for you.  Tonight is the first time any of you problem have a chance to listen to your thoughts.”

          “And my thoughts, or the lack there of, is keeping me awake,” I admitted.  “I think I will go do that.”

          “Jarl?” she asked, before I was about to get up.

          “Yes, mother?” I returned.

          “I’m glad you are alright,” she said.

          I then returned, “I’m glad I’m alright too,” I smiled.

          She laughed and smiled.

          “Don’t you cry,” I said quickly.

          “I won’t,” she chuckled.

          “Goodnight,” I spoke.

          “Goodnight,” she answered.

          I got up, kissed my mom on her forehead, and walked to the door, skipping the squeaky floorboard.

          I looked back and whispered, “I love you, mom.”

          “I love you too, Jarl,” she replied.

          I then eased my way out the front door and proceeded to the stables.  I opened the top half of the door partly and peeked in.

          “Can’t sleep either, I see,” I whispered.

          Fredrick looked up with open eyes.

          “Come on,” I motioned my head backwards.

          Opening up the stable doors, I glanced at the other dragons.  They all were fast asleep.

          Fredrick looked back at my saddle which was lying on the stall wall and then at me.

          “Oh, you’ve had that on long enough,” I said.  “Time for a break.”

          Fredrick snorted and walked back into the stable.  He grabbed a hold of the leg loop on the saddle with his front lips and then dragging the saddle, he brought it over to me.  He snorted again, looked down at the saddle, and then back up at me.  Curious at what he was doing, even though I already had figured it out.  Fredrick snorted once again and added a slap in the back of my head with the tip of his tail.

          “Alright, alright, alright,” I replied.  “I’ll put it on.  Well -I- won’t put it on.  I’ll put it on you.”

          I saddled my dragon.  Fredrick was probably remembering what happened during the one race.  He wanted to be sure that I would stay on him more often now.

          As soon as he was saddled, I mounted him, and my Thunderdrum took off on his own.  I was basically along for the ride.

          We never went faster than an easy glide; a couple flags of Fredrick’s wings kept us up.

          Circled Berk a couple of times, flew down to the sea, and then up to the clouds.  After going up to the clouds, Fredrick and I flew out over the forest ranges.  Yawning, I thought it was time enough to go back and try and sleep some more; we had been flying for nearly an hour.

          I headed back out over the western side of Berk.  I had just then realized I am flying over where Annabeth first came to the shores of Berk.  The clouds then just parted to let the moon shine through.  I took a deep breath in and then let it out.  I randomly looked down and saw someone where I looked, sitting by their dragon.  The moonlight shown on the dragon; I knew right then who it was.

          Fredrick saw them too; and before I could nudge him to fly down, he was a step ahead of me.  We landed, just before the beach.

          I dismounted and gently announced, “May we drop by?”

          “Oh,” said the girl, who tried to get up but I insisted that she stay seated.  I came by and sat down next to her on her right.  Fredrick came over and laid down on my right. Anora was right by Annabeth’s left side the whole time.  Anora looked over to see who it was, and then curled back up.  Annabeth added, “I didn’t hear you fly by.”

          I then asked, “What are you doing out here, Annabeth?”

          “Probably one of the same reasons you are,” she replied.

          “Can’t sleep?” I wondered.

          “Nope,” she sighed.  “Can’t sleep.”

          A minute or two had passed by before I questioned, “You said ‘one of the reasons’.  Is there something else?”

          Annabeth sighed again, “Yes… there is,” continuing to play with something in her hand.

          “What’s wrong?” I asked, turning my sitting position to look at her.  “You don’t seem very happy.”

          “Well,” she began.  “I found out I am a Berserker.”

          “A what?” I said surprised.

          “Are you mad?” she spoke.

          “No, no,” I replied.  “I just didn’t expect that statement.  How did find out.”

          “From the one other girl who helped us,” Annabeth said.

          “Oh Hea… yeah her,” I nearly said her name.  “What’d she say?”

          Annabeth showed what was in her hand.  It is her locket.  She opened the locket and pointed to a seal of some kind on the inside face of the cap.

          “What about it?” I inquired.

          “When I first started flying tonight because I couldn’t sleep,” Annabeth said.  “I nearly flew into the girl and her dragon.  She wanted to speak with me, so we landed our dragons on a rock formation out in the sea, away from Berk.  She asked me how things turned out, and I told her.  She said that was good.  I thanked her for her help and everything.  And she said it was nothing.  ‘Anything for a friend,’ she replied.  The girl then noticed my locket and wondered if she could see it.  It wasn’t a strange request, as many people have admired it and wanted to look at it closer.  When the girl opened it, she kind of flinched.  I asked what was wrong and she answered, ‘Do you know what this is?’  I said, ‘Yeah it is a locket.’  The girl added, ‘No, I mean do you know what this seal is?’  I responded, ‘No.  Everyone I’ve asked about it cannot tell me what it is.’  The girl went on to say that the seal is actually an old, unused seal that the Berserkers rulers would use for personal things and gifts.  She asked me where I got it and I said, ‘From the leader of my tribe.’, my mother always said to me.”

          Annabeth continued, “I questioned why she was asking this and she said, ‘You must not know.  I’ve been looking into a lot of Berserkian matters and researching history on them.  I came across this seal once.  The seal was used on a personal letter between a leader and trusted aid, which was his sister.  This seal was unique to family matters of rulers of the Berserkers.  In the letter it spoke of a locket gifted to a young girl, who was not more than three weeks old.  This girl was the leader’s own child, but he wanted a better life for her than the one he could offer.  He said there were already plots against his life, so he sent the little girl with his sister away for their safety.  The writing was old and unclear in some areas, and I’m still not sure if word for ‘sister’ is that or ‘wife’.  The letter further went on to say that the seal had never been used on metal.  Something happened to the seal when they imprinted it on the locket.  So the leader declared it to be a way for the little girl to know where she came from and that she is a Berserkian; because the seal was only used on paper and only once on metal… for this locket, this would be the sign for her.’”

          “I asked the girl where the letter was.  She said she had it and gave it to me.  The girl later said that it would be of no use to me because it was written in an old Berserkian dialect that the leader must have only used or something.  I in fact could not read the letter,” Annabeth showed me the letter, which the girl… Heather… must have given her.  Some letter here and there look very similar to that of our own print on Berk, but the words it spelled made no sense what so ever.  “I asked the girl if this could possibly be a mistake.  She said, ‘No mistake.  You are a Berserker.’  I thanked her for telling me about it as well as thanking her again for her help.  She said, ‘You’re welcome.’  The girl mounted her Razorwhip and left.  I then got on Anora and found myself here… where I first came to Berk.  I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing, all I could think of was me being a Berserkian and what everybody else would think.”

          Annabeth stood up and turned away from me, I stood up saying, “So what you are a Berserkian.  Hyrith isn’t a Berkian, but you don’t see him acting like a big shot or anything.  Hyrith is from The Golden Isles, but he is also a Berkian now.  So are you.  Cazi and her family have brought you into their home.  We all have brought you into our lives.  You are a friend and you are cared for.  You are a part of our family and a Berkian… whether you like it or not.”

          Annabeth chuckled, but sniffed at the same time.

          I grabbed Annabeth left should and gently turned her around and grabbed her arms, “Look at me,” spoke softly.

          She looked at me, and I said, “Alright, now say, ‘I am Annabeth Everdeen and I am a viking.”

          “You’re not Annabeth, I am,” she smiled.

          “You know what I mean,” I said.

          “I am Annabeth Everdeen… And I’m a viking,” she spoke.

          I corrected, “Say I -am- a viking.”

          “I am a viking,” she said clearer and bolder.

          “Annabeth,” I spoke.  “Whether you are a Berkian, Berserkian, Bog-Burgler, whatever… that doesn’t matter.  What matters is who you are,” I pointed at her heart.  “What’s inside… Is what matters.  Where you came from and where you started cannot be chosen.  Only… One can do that.  What matters beside who you are is where you are going and what you will become.  That you can control.  If one is truly a viking, you have friends and family everywhere.  Some place where you don’t think you have them.  You may be a Berserkian, I may be a Berkian, Hyrith may be a... uh… Golden Isle-ian… but we are all united and connected… as vikings.  Because you are a Berserkian, doesn’t mean I will never like you because of what happened with Dagur.  I like you Annabeth Everdeen… because -you- are a viking.”

          Annabeth then hugged me and started to cry, “Thank you.  Thank you so much.  You always seem to make the worst of things better.  You always find the good in everything, even after you find out I’m a Berserker.  Thank you.”

          I hugged her back, “You are very welcome.  I hope I can do more for you in the future.”

          After the hug, I gave her a handkerchief to wipe her eyes.  Once she was done, I told her to keep.

          I made sure to say, “I haven’t used it yet.”

          That made her laugh, which was good.

          Annabeth yawned suddenly, so I declared, “Why don’t we go get some sleep.”

          “Okay,” Annabeth replied.  “Wake up sleepy head,” she told her dragon.  “Let’s go get some sleep.”

          Anora just grunted and stood up.

          I then said to Annabeth, “Let’s go… home.”

          Annabeth smiled at the sound of “home.”

          We mounted our respective dragons that flew in a circle around each other, in opposite directions, and then flew we maneuvered our dragons to our homes.

          I bed down Fredrick, who kept pulling away from me as I unsaddled him.  He just wanted to go to bed.

          I closed up the stable doors and made my way back to the house, entered the house, went up the stairs as quietly as I could, and got in bed.  I felt myself fall right to sleep as well.

Here is the link to my next chapter: http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/thoughts-guilt-chapter-44-back-normal#comment-429030