Big John

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Eilif Eiderdrake's picture
Eilif Eiderdrake
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Supreme Viking Champion
Joined: 04/30/2014

It has come to my attention that there are many who have not heard the story of Big John. If you will gather around the table here I will tell you the story. (sits at the table) Here is the story of Big John. :)

 

Back in the days of the Old West there was a guy who decided to go to California to make his fortune in the gold rush. So he headed out to California and when he got just west of the pecos he ran out of money. So he looked around town for a way to make some money and he finally found a job as a bartender at the local saloon. He had been there about three days and everything was going pretty good. He was a genial fellow and the locals really took to him, so he was making good tips. He was just thinking, "This won't take to long before I have enough money to continue on.", when a man burst through the saloon doors and shouted, "Hey everybody! Big John's comin'!" There was dead silence for about five seconds, then thirty seconds later the saloon was empty. The bartender thought, "Oh no! I work here. I can't leave!" 

 

He looked out the window and saw someone ridin' out of the woods. As the guy got closer the bartender realized he wasn't riding on a horse. He was riding on a big, black, bear! When he got to the saloon he didn't even bother to tie his bear to the hitchin' post. He got off, took his fist, and hit the bear in the face. The bear dropped flat to the ground. The saloon darkened as he walked through the swinging doors. As the guy prepared to put his cloak on the coat rack the bartender realized it wasn't a cloak. He had a live mountain lion hung around his neck with it's claws clutched into his chest to hang on. The guy then ripped the mountain lion off and slung it over the coat rack.

 

He walked up and slammed his fist down on top of the bar. Both ends of the bar jumped, and in a deep voice he said, "I wanna bear!" The bartender looked up at him and in a quavering voice said, "Y-y-yes, Sir." He ran and got the beer, brought it back, and set it down on the bar. The man picked it up, didn't even bother to take the bottle cap off, put the neck of the bottle in his mouth, and bit the top off. He crunched it all up and swallowed. He then took the beer, turned it upside down, and poured it down his throat. He slammed the bottle back down on the bar, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and said, "Ahhhhh! That was good. I was thirsty." The bartender gulped, looked up at him, and asked, "W-w-would y-y-you like another, Sir?" The man's eyes opened wide and he replied, "Can't! Don't have time! I gotta get outta here. Haven't you heard? Big John's comin'!"

 

I hope you like it. Please comment and tell me what you think. :)

__________________

Name: Eilif Eiderdrake

 

Main Dragon's Name: Shadowloner

 

Main Dragon Type: Changewing

 

Clan: The Silent Spectors

 

Clan Position: Leader

 

Here are the links to some of the suggestions I have made. Please take a look at them and let me know what you think.

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/showing-how-long-each-member-has-been-clan

 

If you are curious to hear who/what Big John is read the story at this link http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/big-john

 

A list of fun game threads that I have joined or plan on joining:

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/post-last-song-you-heard

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/you-banned-minigame

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/song-guesser-forum-game

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/how-well-are-you-known-game

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/finish-song-verse-game

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/would-you-rathergame

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/slap-keyboard

 

http://forum.schoolofdragons.com/content/2-truths-fib

 

My favorite quotes are these:

 

"When you're starving, you become sad. And when you're sad, you become hungry." ― Wendell

 

"A planned life is a closed life, it can be endured, but it cannot be lived." ― Hsien Chang of Yang Cheng from the movie "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness"

 

Things I feel are important to remember:

 

"It is important to be an immovable wall against bullying, but one should be careful that they don't become the bullier."

 

Pictures of my main dragon Shadowloner

Made by Brownie14

Made by Nessie

Made by AllyNadderRider

Ginger Clancy's picture
Ginger Clancy
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Joined: 03/02/2014
Was that guy Big John? The

Was that guy Big John? The way you put the ending, I'm not sure. XD This seems familiar..... Was the guy riding the bear Pecos Bill?

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I'm not acitve here any more, but you can find me on dA (nochtliproductions) and Discord (tomaytotomahto#8945). If you see me online it's a fluke.

Mople's picture
Mople
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Joined: 06/30/2014
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bretty good m8

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Hit me up wit dat friend code yo: (or don't) AQRG22

It's Butter.'s picture
It's Butter.
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Joined: 05/30/2014
dat twist. XD well this

dat twist. XD

well this drives the curiosity away; thanks for the story XD

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Auxurette.'s picture
Auxurette.
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Joined: 06/27/2014
Wow. I was not expecting

Wow. I was not expecting that. :o

This story confused me even more... BUT I LOVE IT! XD

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Viking name: Thuu

Friend code: PM me 

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Eilif Eiderdrake's picture
Eilif Eiderdrake
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Joined: 04/30/2014
Hey everyone! Big John is comin'!

Thanks so much for the comments. I am considering posting another short story/bad joke. I would love to know if anyone wants to hear it. :)

typhoomerangmaster338's picture
typhoomerangmas...
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Joined: 07/16/2014
XD then Big Jhon is like this

XD then Big Jhon is like this really small skinny little boy whos like 10 years old XD

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Let's get right to buisness, with...

My Dragon Cave

 

      

"Are you, are you.

Coming to the tree

Where they stung up a man, they say he murdered three

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight, in the Hanging Tree.

 

Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Where the dead man called out for his love to flee

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight, in the Hanging Tree

 

Are you, are you

coming to the tree

Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight, in the Hanging Tree

 

Are you, are you

coming to the tree

Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me

Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it be

If we met up at midnight, in the Hanging Tree"

When a math quiz is announced.

And then I get the paper back and I'm all like.

And my friends are all like

And the teacher's all like

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Adoptables/Requests~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since the first three of these seven dragons have been stolen, I'm leaving Anduril (Drawn by The Ecliptic Eight) to watch them.

Natt Mord the Hypnotic Night Catcher adopted from Golden Scarlet. I wrote my butt of trying to adopt this, so there will be salt if this get's stolen.

Same for Advarsel. Except she's an Ominous Storm Rider, still from Golden Scarlet. Again, if she get's stolen, it will be Saltageddon 2015.

Vindfjaer by Goldenfury360! PS. It's a Windsong ;)

Simon the Screeching Hunchback by Chameishida! He's so adorably deadly, ain't he?

Canopy the Spacial Beauty adopted from KrazyKira. His nickname is the Einstein dragon.

Aang the Legendary Air Jabberjaw adopted from The Ecliptic Eight. Wow that's a mouthful!

 Sirius the Star Fury adopted from goldfish50!

 Electrifier spore-ized, made by BeaReptileLover!

Don't Eat My Back/Yellow Snow/ Sub-Zero adopted from Iron Man 2000! And I bet you can guess where I got all those names from!

 Darude the Paranoid Sandskritter made by NightmareRebuff

 

 

You made it to the end! You get a cake!